Memories Of Loved Ones By Benedict T. Palen, Jr.

It is human nature that, as the holiday season approaches, we think of loved ones who are no longer part of our lives.    This time of year is bittersweet as we enjoy time with our friends and families, but also we rue the absence of those who were such essential parts of our lives.  For me, my parents are greatly missed.   Even though they have been gone since the early 2000s, I still carry in the folder that goes with me whenever I am away from home, two now faded and wrinkled sheets of paper.  On that paper, I wrote thoughts that spoke of the feelings in my heart when my mother passed away.  One of the passages was especially meaningful; all these years later, I have forgotten where I found it, but here it is:

 

When elephants come across the bones of one of their species, they appear to mourn. The circle the bones, curl their trunks around them, marvel at their feel, and sometimes carry them for a short distance.  They show no interest in the bones of other animals.  It is only when they realize that a fellow elephant has been lost that they are compelled to perform such rituals.

     Humans share this intense need to memorialize.   It may be that, when the story of a life has ended, there is part of ourselves forever lost, the reflection of us that we see in another’s eyes. Through remembering, we keep this part of us alive along with the deceased. It is the ultimate paradox; by recalling death, we invoke life. 

     Of all the technological brass rings human have grabbed, eliminating pain, suffering, and death, have not been among them.  It seems that we are unable to build upon the wisdom of our ancestors when we face the hardest of tasks. We all, in one way or another, must start from scratch when we confront the essential lessons of being human—lessons of life, lessons of love, lessons of loss.

     Somehow, we manage to learn them.

     Elephants finally drop the bones of their brethren, and start off down the dusty trail that leads to the future.  But it is likely true that they never forget.

     Neither do humans.

     And that, after all, may be the most bittersweet of gifts.

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What Is Your Favorite Holiday Memory? By Benedict T. Palen, Jr.

As the holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukah, approach in America, many of us recall fond childhood memories when times seemed simpler.   Today, we live in a world where technology is a blessing and a curse, and we form impressions based on “tweets” and whatever Google says. 

For myself, and others whom I know, the holidays are a time to set aside the clutter, and focus on what really matters.  Many families gather for meals and other special occasions, and that gives us time for those one on one conversations that may seem antiquated to some, but which are, in truth, so important to  your well being and sense of community.

It is ironic in some ways that, as we get to early adulthood, we are anxious to “leave the nest” where we spent our childhoods.  People scatter far and wide, and pursue careers that may take them far away from their roots in more ways than one.   

All of this said, it is important that each of us uses the holidays as a time to reconnect, and to recall, in a good way, those childhood memories of family get togethers.  After all, every day is a gift; we do not get them back after the clock strikes midnight.  Cherish each day that you have with your family, and especially when you have that one on one time during the holidays.

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Feeding God’s Creatures By Benedict T. Palen, Jr.

I do volunteer work at a food bank, and there is always a large quantity of pastries and other “sweets” that are turned into compost because the policy of this particular food bank is to encourage its clients not to have diets with high sugar content foods.  

There is a cost associated with the compost because the surplus pastries have to be taken to another location for that purpose.  In my small way, I am helping with this issue of the pastries, and have provided sustenance to all creatures, great and small.

It turns out that squirrels, blue jays, crows, magpies, and raccoons, love sweet things.   So, every day, once in the early morning, and then again in late afternoon, we put out pieces of pies, cakes, cookies, and other such goodies, that were graciously provided by the food bank.  Everything goes into a wooden box about three feet wide, and five feet long.    Almost as soon as the food is put out, the masses descend on it, and pick out their favorites.   Some of the visitors will eat right in the box, while others will carry a piece back to the nearby trees.

In a world where humans have such trouble getting along with others with “look different” than them, I find it interesting that these creatures of all shapes, sizes, and colors, eat right alongside each other in the box, and near it, with rarely any conflicts.   How is it that these creatures have figured out how to get along, when we humans cannot seem to do so?  Alas, that is a topic for a long conversation.

Suffice to say that our back patio is the gathering place every day, twice a day, for these creatures.  It is a source of much amusement to watch the massive nibbling that takes place in “the box.”  We are keeping them fed, although we sometimes wonder if they get too much sugar…..

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Of Blue Jeans, Great Speeches, And Leadership By Benedict T. Palen, Jr.

One usually does not think about blue jeans and great speeches in the same sentence as leadership.  But they go hand in hand.   Let me explain.

In the world that we live in, social media and changing values can often drive our political views; what is captured in a sound bite might be the news of the day for some political leader.   Some of our so—called leaders are missing two crucial elements of giving hope to their constituents for a better future.  Let’s use Donald Trump as an example.

How many photos of Trump in blue jeans have you seen? Probably zero.  More often than not, he is in a suit and tie, or when “going casual,” khaki pants and a jacket to hide his obese figure.   Why does it matter that he does not wear blue jeans?   It matters because that is a way to relate to the ordinary person, to show that “he’s one of us.”   Imagine talking to a bunch of, say, farmers or factory workers while dressed in a suit and tie. What kind of message, subliminal or overt, does that send?   It matters how we appear to others.   Some politician wearing blue jeans is more likely to be perceived in a positive way rather than some guy who dresses better than us because he thinks that he is better than us.

As to great speeches, they can serve to inspire a nation, to give it comfort in times of tragedy, to give it hope when things are tough, and to create common goals.  How many great speeches have you heard from Trump?  If you are being honest, the answer is none. The Teleprompter is his speech.   For those of us who remember the echoes of history, nothing that Trump has ever said has matched, say, the “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country,” speech of John F. Kennedy, or the words of hope and consolation expressed by Barack Obama or George Bush during some of our most trying times.   We remember those great speeches; they help to give meaning to our lives, and to remind us that we are in this together.

Wearing blue jeans—a simple thing.  Giving a great speech—a simple thing. But, oh so meaningful at many levels.

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The Importance Of Mentors For Personal And Professional Development By Benedict T. Palen, Jr.

One of the things that stands out in my life is the importance of having a mentor.   Too many times, we are focused only on such things as getting a degree, getting a job, and getting from one day to the next.  Years later, one may look back and regret that kind of focus, and realize that a mentor would have provided needed perspective and advice.

It is never too late to have a mentor.  But, of course, the earlier one starts on that path, the better.  In my own experiences, I went from a tiny rural high school to a large university, and by sheer happenstance, formed bonds with two professors who shaped my college experience, and, indeed, my paths in life.  Those professors gave me guidance about my education, but also about life.  I did not realize it at the time, but the foundations that they provided have stayed with me to this day—some 40 years later.

I was recently with a group of students where I attended college, and the topic of mentors came up. All of them were very interested in mentoring. They realized that their focus on getting a degree had been, in a way, very narrow, and that there were many life skills and such that they were lacking. 

My experiences with my mentors some four decades ago have helped motivate me to help others in this way.    One of the ways to lead a good life is to help others; as the saying goes, it is more important to give than to receive.   In my case, there are experiences that I can share, experiences that come only from going down life’s paths, not always knowing what is in store.  

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