It is human nature that, as the holiday season approaches, we think of
loved ones who are no longer part of our lives. This time of year is bittersweet as we
enjoy time with our friends and families, but also we rue the absence of those
who were such essential parts of our lives.
For me, my parents are greatly missed.
Even though they have been gone since the early 2000s, I still carry in
the folder that goes with me whenever I am away from home, two now faded and
wrinkled sheets of paper. On that paper,
I wrote thoughts that spoke of the feelings in my heart when my mother passed
away. One of the passages was especially
meaningful; all these years later, I have forgotten where I found it, but here
it is:
When elephants come across the bones of one of their species, they
appear to mourn. The circle the bones, curl their trunks around them, marvel at
their feel, and sometimes carry them for a short
distance. They show no interest in the
bones of other animals. It is only when
they realize that a fellow elephant has been lost that they are compelled to
perform such rituals.
Humans share this intense
need to memorialize. It may be that, when the story of a life has
ended, there is part of ourselves forever lost, the reflection of us that we
see in another’s eyes. Through remembering, we keep this part of us alive along
with the deceased. It is the ultimate paradox; by recalling death, we invoke
life.
Of all the technological
brass rings human have grabbed, eliminating pain, suffering, and death, have
not been among them. It seems that we
are unable to build upon the wisdom of our ancestors when we face the hardest
of tasks. We all, in one way or another, must start from scratch when we
confront the essential lessons of being human—lessons of life, lessons of love,
lessons of loss.
Somehow, we manage to learn
them.
Elephants finally drop the
bones of their brethren, and start off down the dusty trail that leads to the
future. But it is likely true that they
never forget.
Neither do humans.
And that, after all, may be
the most bittersweet of gifts.
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